I stopped believing in love once. Been hurt too bad, well I guess, my pride made it even worst. I hated myself for wanting someone so bad although my mind kept on telling me to keep moving. It’s a difficult situation when your heart and your mind is taking different directions. I’m caught in the middle! Never knew that serendipity is going to strike me in the end.
I’m a bitter-girl..
Who says forgetting your first love is as easy as forgetting to brush your teeth before bedtime and resolve it in the next morning? How I wish forgetting a first love who turns out to be my first boyfriend of three years is as quick as overnight solution. Wish it’s all easy as that!
Today, as I’m writing this, it’s more than five years since that major heartbreak. Honestly, I have had a few other relationships after that, but I always ended up with running away because I’m feeling guilty of being unfair. I may look like a user, someone who get into new relationship just to forget! But I wasn’t that bad, I tried to love back but it just didn’t work out, really! I was just looking for something, that very special feeling, but that’s like an error 404, can’t find it! I ended up with the decision of not getting into a relationship anymore.
The first two years are the hardest part. I started to suffer from insomnia because of that. Took some sleeping pills but I guess it’s not working on me. I go wherever I wanted to, I do what I wanted to do, no one can stop me. Alcohol has become my buddy. I become alcoholic, I love whisky! Drinking has helped me sleep, but it always made me become too emotional and cry afterwards. Made me forget for a while, but the reality was still clear, nothing hasn’t really changed! Who I guess I’m fooling? –I’m just fooling myself and making myself more stupid!
Realizing that have made me convinced myself to totally move on. Although the pain is still there, and there’s still so many questions in my head, but at least, I can go a day without getting crazy over things from the past over and over, again and again! I scolded myself for all those crazy things I did that made me look a very desperate one. Guess what I’m missing? Self respect! Self respect! Oh girl, give yourself a favor and have some self-respect!
Why do I have to punish myself and make my life miserable just because of that failed relationship, I asked myself. Afterall, it’s not making me a better person. I have to move on and face the reality. My family is there and a reason enough to go on. If I let myself to be stuck in the past, I won’t grow, I won’t be happy, and will keep hurting myself more and more.
Here comes serendipity
Until one day, that one fine day– I met someone online from Australia! It’s strange but at the age of 26 (my age that time), I felt like I was a teenager again, you know that feeling like there’s some *spark*spark* from within?! I mean, like electricity.. Ha-ha 🙂 I was skeptical and afraid to give it another try, I valued my time and don’t want to waste it in another failed relationship again. But I listened to the force, and the calling is strong. . Ha-ha(I was thinking of Star Wars by that) 🙂 So after just two days of knowing this stranger in the internet, bam–I am in a new relationship! Hello world, I have a new boyfriend!!!!
I found a new love, new meaning, new beginning. I’ve found what I can’t find before, and I found more than what I’m looking for. This is serendipity!
I know it’s crazy to trust someone I just met online, but we’re lucky enough for finding each other even without the intention of looking for love. Let’s just say we found ourselves with that very special feeling.
Knowing him more, we both share the same experience. He’s from a broken heart years ago, just like me. I guess it’s destiny that brought us together. Everything has to happen from the past in order to enjoy the moment that we found each other. The only difference is, I turn out to be an alcoholic while he has a son and a daughter.
Our relationship grows all across the distance and after one month, we met in person, at last! Those are the most memorable days and I keep on looking back to those times. Actually, I’ve made a photobook of our first meeting pictures and I entitled it “Serendipity”. The second time we’ve been together was when I visited in Australia for three months. I’m so excited for December! He’s going to visit me here in the Philippines, and it’s going to be our third time of being together! Yeyyy!!!
Right now, it’s nearly two years since we first met and get into this relationship. We’re planning to get married, but we prioritize getting my fiancee visa first.
Never thought I could have a relationship as crazy and as great as this! I thought I already had the best and lost it, but this kind of new love that I found is greater than that. In this life, we can’t always get what we want. But there are so many cases that God is giving us more than what we’re looking for, more than what we asked for.. more than what we deserve. And serendipity is the word for that. Yes~~~yes~~yes, serendipity…