One time in my life, I felt so alone. Runaway from home and live alone all by myself just because I had a really bad argument with my mom and had a confrontation with my brother! Call me immature, but I thought it had to happen–for a reason. Packed all my things, called a friend, looked for a place for me to stay, and as I go I took the water bills and paid it later. See, I wasn’t that bad! 🙂 I really have no idea what lies ahead on my new journey. I can only spell happiness but can’t remember well how does it feels like at that moment.
I live my new life in solitude in a small room painted in blue somewhere in Pasay. Luckily I’ve found the cheapest one at Php3, 500 rate on a monthly basis. Yes, that’s the cheapest I can find in Pasay, I had no choice because I wanted to live nearby my friend’s place. Her mom and dad treats me like their own, and I always feel at home whenever I’m with them. Stayed with them for a few days until I’ve got my own place to stay. I didn’t go for a higher rental rate because I don’t want to stress myself with too much bills. Everyday, I spend money to buy things I need in my new home. I’m nearly broke and I only got two golden rings and necklace with me, I already had pawned the others for my expenses. Just like me, my pocket is losing happiness too! Eventually, I have to pawn my necklace, too–to make some money and start doing a small business that will help me somehow.
I’m feeling a pinch of happiness with the thoughts that I’m making a very good profit with my glutathione business for a while–I’m happy! But when I’m alone, the sadness is still with me. I’m still miserable and not feeling any better~~~ I miss my family, I miss those loud little rascals that annoy me whenever possible, I’m referring to my nieces and nephew. They brought happiness to my life. There’s never a time whenever I lay my head to sleep that I didn’t cry because I miss them sooo~~~much! I put their pictures everywhere in my room, and this made me feel alone even more. I live in solitude for a long time and my only companion is my laptop and photographs.
Eaten up with pride
I really have no idea what’s going to happen next. I don’t believe in everything anymore, all I know is that I’m so sad and bored with my life without my family. No more happiness! They’re the only reasons left for me to wake up every morning with joy and meaning to my life. I felt so empty. But I’m tough and tougher than giving up. My pride is beyond compare, and it’s killing me inside. I keep on hurting myself with my pride!
Finding happiness in new love
I chose to live my new life with no contacts with my family for almost 6 months! Although I miss them so much, I bear every single day without even calling them to say hi. Never have replied any message from them. I live my new life with no family on my side. No boyfriend at all. Just me and those memories. I don’t have interest in finding a new love-life or boyfriend anymore. I’m acting as if I have a stone heart–until love knocks me out really bad! Whoa, love really moves in mysterious ways! I met someone online who erased all my sorrows and pain, made me smile, brought back the happiness in me and gives me the strength to reconcile with my family. I used to call him “Eraser”.
Now, I’m okay. I realized that pride has really taken me too far and steals my happiness from me. Sometimes it’s okay to take your pride with you, but do it in a manner that you’re not hurting yourself, too. I was saying things like this now because I hurt myself too bad with my sky-high-pride. Always welcome happiness and never let pride eat you up.
Would you mind telling me how you handle your pride? Please do share your words in the comments below..